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As the mother of two Skepchicks, one junior and one grown up, I'm often asked by other parents, “At what age should I start teaching my child about skepticism?” My answer is the same as what was given to me when I asked a representative of Planned Parenthood, “When should I start my child's sexual education?” Her answer was “At birth.” You don't have to wait until your child is “old enough to understand” before you start to share your critical thinking skills. At a very young age, children are able to tell the difference between fantasy and a “good story” and the truth. Also, example is the best teacher. By living a good skeptic life yourself, you pass on your family values to your children. For instance, let's take the old favorites Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny. You could go with the idea of “well, everyone this age believes it and so I'm going to let this slide.” As opposed to this being a decision made for the sake of the kids, I find it is often the parents that can't let go of the Santa/Easter Bunny/Tooth Fairy traditions. After all, playing Santa and the Easter Bunny can be fun, and an entertaining way to relive your own childhood. I went with a different tactic: “Let's teach Santa Claus as a folklore.” Santa is part of our popular culture. Also, you can easily research Santa traditions from other parts of the world, which can be a fun and educational way for kids to learn about other nations. Will your child survive without believing Santa is real? The fear of your child being singled out is a compelling reason for many skeptics to continue the tradition of a “real” Santa. However, I took a cue from my Jewish friends, who tell their children the truth about Santa and the Easter Bunny. They have the children prepared for the fact that many of their fellow students are believers, but that their family is not. Not only do their children survive, but they learn the importance of respecting the beliefs of others. Of course, your child can still enjoy the holidays, and even the tooth fairy. Trust me, when money is involved, your child will enjoy hearing how YOU sneak into their bedroom when they are asleep and hide a dollar. In the morning, the child gets to find the hidden treasure. As a parent, you get creative. Another important thing to remember is how your child will deal with other family members and their religious beliefs. Once again, I have found that my children and their skeptic beliefs have dealt with the situation well. My younger daughter likes to spend some time with family members who are fundamentalists. She taught her cousin what the word “agnostic” means. Her cousin had to admit that at times she did not know if there was a God or not. My daughter said, “oh then you may be an agnostic.” Sadly, the cousin thought she was the only person in the world who felt perhaps there wasn't a God. The cousin actually said, “You mean there's a word for it?” Often people say to me, “I'm going to wait and let my children decide if they want to be skeptics or not.” While you are waiting, I would point out that no one else is. Your child will be inundated with the different religions and beliefs of all the playmates and teachers. Television and the Internet are full of religious influences. What I believed is that if I really believe in being a skeptic, then I should have faith that it is the best thing for my child to know. Why should my skeptic family be less sure of their (lack of) beliefs than the Catholic family next door that takes their children to church once a week? What is important is that your child understands that critical thinking is an important value your family believes in. The major difference I see between myself and, for instance, a fundamentalist family is that I have faith enough in my skeptic beliefs to allow my children to be exposed to other beliefs. One of my daughters attended a school where for a full year the children studied various religions. A Buddhist Monk came in to speak. A priest, a Sikh, and even an atheist came to interact with the children. The result for my daughter was a confirmation of her skeptic upbringing. I remember her anger when she came home from school to tell me, “The Buddhist monk said he isn't ever allowed to touch a woman, even if she needs CPR!” I just smiled, because I know that in the end, the skeptic viewpoint is always going to make sense to my little critical thinker. Other parents had children who came home questioning their family beliefs. I have faith that even if my daughter decides to explore religious beliefs, she will return to the truth. If you don't believe in your skepticism, your children won't either. Barbara Mervine is a teaching assistant and artist. Her younger skepchick Aynsley is in the 9th grade in high school and attended TAM4 on a scholarship. Her older skepchick Evelyn, a former intern for the James Randi Educational Foundation, is a graduating senior at Dartmouth College who will be pursuing a graduate degree at MIT/Woods Hole this summer. |
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